In the end, it does matter

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Music has been a blind spot in my life growing up. Born in 1989, instead of immersing myself in the 90s and 00s culture, I just listened to whatever my parents had on the radio. I knew more Celia Cruz, El Gran Combo or Tito Nieves songs than I did TLC, Vanilla Ice, Smash Mouth, Eminem or anything else that was popular in the US. It was Salsa over everything in the Torres family household. At least early on.

Eventually I got to know who all those artists and groups were, but not before embarrassing myself every so often.

I took Home Economics in middle school. One time our teacher asked the class which celebrity would we want to cook for and what would be our dish. Initially, I wrote down Jennifer Lopez. But as classmate after classmate spoke up, I saw a trend of hip hop artists as their answer. Not to be perceived as uncool, I changed my answer to echo what was most popular — 50 Cent.

Except I didn’t say 50 Cent. I said 50 Cents and was laughed at.

It wasn’t until I got to high school in Germany when my musical tastes began to finally take shape. Although I was still pretty bad with names of bands and artists, I would listen to something and if it sounded cool, I’d download it.

I can’t tell you the first time I ever listened to my favorite band. But I can tell you when they went from “hmm, this is interesting” to “yup, they are my favorite.”

Back in Germany, the summer of 2006, right before my senior year began, my best friend at the time Carlos was dating another friend of mine, Ashley. We (and another buddy of mine Daniel) went over to Ashley’s place to hang out and we all sat down in the basement and watched music videos. That’s when I first experienced “Somewhere I Belong” by Linkin Park and immediately I was hooked (funny enough, that’s now one of my favorite songs.) Later, “In The End” popped up and I was confused, still hooked on this band, mind you, but just confused at what was all going on.

The imagery of those music videos made no sense to me, but I dug the music, and that’s really all that mattered to me. Like I said before, it sounded cool to me, so I downloaded it.

Back then, I didn’t know the ridicule in the music industry that bands like Linkin Park faced. I didn’t know what “corporate rock” meant or even what it means to be a “sell out.” All I knew was that the songs, relatable they were to my personal life or not, were relatable to somebody. And that’s all that mattered to me.

I may not know what it feels like to feel “Numb” when Chester Bennington belts out: “I don't know what you're expecting of me, put under the pressure of walking in your shoes.” But I knew someone did.

If there’s one thing you’ll learn about me is I’m always wondering if the person I’m interacting with is doing OK. It’s not to the point where I’m constantly worried about other people’s feelings, but I’m naturally a caring person. I will constantly ask, “are you OK?” to my friends. I try to catch myself when I’m being overly annoying with it, but I find it necessary, because in my mind, I want to make sure that if no one is asking, at least I’m asking.

As you may have heard by now, front man Chester Bennington died Thursday, to what’s been reported as a suicide. Celebrity deaths don’t hit me as hard as others, even one involving my all-time favorite band. But what it does do is it reminds me that darkness can affect us all. No matter if you’re single, married, divorced, kids, no kids, etc., depression can hit anyone.

Whatever your thoughts are on mental health, know this: It’s OK to not be OK. We as a society are making strides these days in mental health and talking about depression, but there’s still work to be done when it comes to recognizing and treating it.

If you need help, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. If you prefer texting, text CONNECT to 741741. There are many resources out there on the internet. Always know that there is someone there to talk to.

As sung by Bennington (excuse me as I mix two songs):

If they say, who cares if one more light goes out? In the sky of a million stars it flickers, flickers. Who cares when someone’s time runs out? If a moment is all we are or quicker, quicker. Who cares if one more light goes out? Well I do.

Because in the end, it does matter.

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