Living Out Loud

Loving Lorrie


“Never apologize for what you feel. It’s like saying sorry for being real” – Lil Wayne

As I grow older it becomes harder to keep up false pretenses. It seems I have a love/hate relationship with the truth. I tell myself I want to know the truth but still seem careful about the true way I see myself. For example, am I really ready for a relationship? I know I can hear many of you saying, yes, Lorrie, you are. But ready for love and wanting love are two very different things.
Ask anyone who has been in a real love relationship for a while, nothing is perfect. So if your list of Must Haves and Not Haves prevents you from taking a chance for even a first date, you’re not ready. Yes, I know I’ve heard it a thousand times like many of you; someone will come into your life when you least expect it. So while I wonder around trying not to expect anything, hoping that somehow the universe will never know that I actually would love for it to happen any minute. I discovered not to lie to myself, because you can’t trick the universe. I’m alone but not lonely. I got to realize that being alone and being lonely is all about loving me, my life, the good, and the bad so much that having a guy in my life would become like a cherry on top of my hot fudge Sunday, along with chopped nuts and whipped cream.
Being with the wrong person isn’t the only way a relationship fails; it can also fail when you yourself aren’t the person you need to be. You were born in this life like no other, an original; don’t die being a copy of somebody else. I believe I’m ready for a relationship because I am now ready to put someone else’s needs as just as important as my own and ready to compromise when needed. I know now I have to give up a part more of freedom in order to show that I believe this person is worthy of my time. I want the person to remain the same person that I met, I don’t expect to change who I am and I cannot expect to change them as well. I know my heart’s desire and I know this heart, this woman of worth, believes when I find that love, I will know it will be worth fighting for when I look into his eyes and be ready for war.