Living Out Loud

Moving the mountain


Sometimes you have to go through things and not around them, especially when faced with the diagnosis of cancer.

This November will mark my fourth year in remission and I know that I am one of the lucky ones. I am deeply thankful to be alive but there are still the days that the demons of depression and the fears of relapse seem to sneak back into my head just when I think I’ve gotten past them. I worry about sounding ungrateful and even insensitive to those who are just starting their own journey and to those who never entered into remission but entered instead the gates of heaven. Above all, I have learned since the first day of my diagnosis that cancer affects all of who we are.

I haven’t forgotten the simple things like being grateful every day for the amazing people who I met while they were also fighting this damn disease. “You have been assigned this mountain to show others it can be moved” – Mel Robbins. I don’t have a secret recipe, just my faith that whatever I face in this world, I am not alone, even on the longest darkest nights. The fear of the word cancer is almost gone, however the thought of it recurring is always there. I just cannot dwell on it. I’m going to try instead to keep focus on being positive, so I will look for the sun and turn my face towards the light and away from the darkness of yesterday’s shadow.

I am here to remind you who are just starting the fight that you can regain your life again after the treatments end. You’ll be changed in a way but you will get back to some kind of normalcy. Your life will resume, despite the cancer, beyond the cancer. I have learned that I can’t always control what happens to me, but I can control the way I handle it. “When it rains look for the rainbows and when it’s dark, look for the stars”- Oscar Wilde. Remember when walking down the darkest paths are not so scary when you’re walking with others. The road to remission has taught me to surround myself with a strong support group and has also shown me to imagine the best possible outcome is also shining a light for others to follow. It’s the spark of joy of living another day and the soft glow of hope for seeing tomorrow.