To TV, or not to TV, that was the question.
Ever since I moved to my current abode in Gonzales over three months ago, yours truly has gone TV-less. Yes, that means no news, no movies, no sports.
I was starting to go stir crazy. I couldn’t watch the Indy 500 on TV. I missed all the great war movies on Memorial Day weekend. I missed watching the late night news.
But when I finally realized I was missing out on American Dad and Family Guy, I had to break down and give in. Yes, it was the cartoons that pushed me over the edge.
It’s not that I intentionally avoided TV, or even made a conscious decision to go TV-less, it was just a matter of practical economics.
The reason why I didn’t hook up to cable or satellite TV was simple: the long-forced contracts just made it impractical for me. My house is on the market back in the Midwest, so in the interlude I have been renting here in Gonzales. I didn’t want to lock myself into a long-term deal not knowing where my permanent address is going to be.
So I went TV cold turkey.
Last Thursday, however, I had to go to Cedar Park for an all-day meeting on Friday with our corporate owners and fellow publishers. The owner encouraged me to get a room so I wouldn’t have to deal with Austin’s rush hour traffic, so I did.
That’s when the epiphany hit me.
I was sitting in my hotel room watching some mindless TV program when suddenly I heard the music: It was the theme song for Family Guy.
I immediately looked up and found myself smiling even before the episode started. I’ve seen almost all of those ridiculous episodes, but I was riveted to the screen. That’s when the revelation hit: I need my MTV, er, rather, Cartoon Network. Sports. News. Movies.
Now it’s not easy for a grown man to admit that it was a cartoon that made him call Direct TV and sign up for two years of satellite. Yet there it is: Peter, Stewie and the gang put me over the hump.
So now the satellite guys will be coming to hook me up, and I can’t wait to see what’s on. I can watch the World Cup as it moves to the field of 16. I will get the NFL ticket for free. Three months of HBO, Starz and the movie channels all for free. Well, not for free: $45 per month.
I can’t believe how excited I am. I called my kids. I called my relatives. I called anyone who answers a phone. They all told me to get a life.
Which begs the question: how far has my creative brain fallen when the biggest moment of my week is to get TV so I can watch mindless shows like the Simpsons, South Park, Family Guy, American Dad and King of the Hill? What has happened to me?
I have to be sick or something to be this depraved. Is this a disease? If so, what is it called? And more importantly, what is the cure?
So as you read this on Thursday, know that I will be spending the morning with my own version of the cable guy, happily installing my big screen TV to catch the serendipity of the universe. The smile and anticipation are already high, and I am sure by the time you read this I will be absolutely giddy.
Someone call a doctor and have the guys in the white coats come and get me.