Dear Violet

All my exes live in Texas


Dear Violet,

My ex-husband and I share multiple children together, and I have been the sole provider of said children their entire lives.

Now that I am much older (late 60s), I am worried about living alone, and financial stress. This has lead me to consider re-marrying my ex and living together (platonic) as married friends.

My children, however, feel this is a big mistake, and my ex is hesitant, as he believes our children’s opinions are the most important. The six children are against this move as there is a history of alcoholism and physical abuse (my ex to me) in the past and they believe this will repeat.

I believe, now that my ex has had a stroke and is wheel-chair bound, this is of no consequence and not an inevitability. My question is should we allow our children to be the decision maker in this process, or go with my gut feelings and move forward?

Live and let coexist,

Once and future wife?

Dear once & future,

You seem to have warm and caring feelings for your ex-husband, and seem to not believe there is any danger inherent in this move to reconcile into a platonic marriage. The fact that your adult children are concerned raises some issues. It is possible they are holding on to memories from the past that are less than ideal, or they could be looking logically at a situation they feel will not work.

I would suggest you seek counseling (marriage) and work through all issues prior to revisiting marriage with your ex.

Best of luck,


Dear Violet is a relationship advice column, covering both domestic relationships and familial relationships, as well as friendships. If you have something you want to get advice about, write in and get a third party, no ax to grind perspective. Welcome to Violet’s world. Send questions, comments or concerns attention: Ask Violet c/o Gonzales Inquirer at