A spoonful of 'sugar baby' won’t help this medicine go down


Dear Violet,

My wedding day is in five weeks. I am seriously considering calling the whole thing off. but don’t want to make a mistake.

I love my husband to be, as much as I possibly could under the circumstances. He is very financially secure and according to our arrangement he treats me very well, in fact, I am proud to admit I am a little spoiled (I get all of my needs attended to and am able to take several vacations per year with my girlfriends, as well as both a housekeeper and a personal assistant).

I am happy with our relationship, and we have agreed that he can share my bedroom 6 times per year, and I am good to him on those nights, and he agrees that I otherwise have no obligations to the relationship, financial, romantic, or otherwise.

However, the last several months his adult daughter (we will call her Joan) has been very rude and condescending when discussing the wedding plans. She believes that because she is so much older than I am (I am 21, she is 49), she should be the expert when it comes to these arrangements. I feel like this is my special day and it should all be according to my whims, not my potential stepdaughter’s practical planning.

When I approached my fiance to complain he told me that his daughter is coping with his divorce and re-marriage in her own way and that I should be patient. I think she is trying to get back at me because her mother and father divorced when she realized he had a sugar baby (me) and she was embarrassed. I feel like this is her problem, and not mine.

Should I continue to get the same benefits I have had for five years, and forget the marriage, or follow MY practical side and try to get all financial benefits, while biting my tongue on the wedding planning and let things proceed?

I hope you can help,

Looking for my best bet

Dear Looking,

I have several opinions on this letter. SO many opinions. But I will try to keep this on point, as best as I can, with so much going on with your question.

First you clearly or not in this for love, and your fiance seems to be well aware of the arrangement/motives on both sides, so I will hold my tongue on the love factor. Second, I seriously hope it’s legal in your area for a 16 year old to engage in a consensual sexual relationship.

Third, I think in this scenario there is no right way to handle this situation. The fact that the daughter wants to be involved with the wedding is a bonus for you and you should be overwhelmingly grateful. She clearly is trying to move forward and be there for her father. I doubt that feeling extends to you, but like the last five years, you should take what you can get. Think of her sort of like a second mother of the bride, as she is more than old enough to fill that role.

Finally, this decision is on you, and you alone. Is getting your way, in everything, worth giving up the money you clearly want to get your hands on, or is the money worth more than your pride? That, my dear, is your full decision, as I think I will bow out of this discussion.

Frankly I am a bit disapproving of your motives, but equally disapproving of your fiance’s, so I guess the two of you are a match made in someone’s heaven.

Best of luck to all,


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