I am a stay at home mom, but not because I want to be. My husband believes that a woman should be at home, as a mother and housekeeper, the home care taker, while the husband earns the money. In other words, raise the kids, listen to the husband, and look good.
Violet, I have a college degree, have been working my entire life, since I was 14, and I am 28 now. I want children, but do not have any desire to be a stay at home mom. I am pregnant, now, with our second child, and our oldest is two.
We argue about my going back to work, but it goes nowhere as my husband is not open to my working, even part time. I might be able to agree to being a stay at home mom, but my spouse, I will call him Henry, is very controlling with money and makes me practically beg for our financial needs.
I am very unhappy, and am considering divorce. I am afraid to be a single mom, searching the job market after being out of the workplace for three years, and doing the wrong thing for my children’s future. I do love my husband, but every day that passes I see that he is more interested in his ideal scenario, more than he is in love with me, and I resent him much more than I love him, if I am being honest.
Confused and afraid to make the wrong move,
Barefoot and pregnant
Rather than give my opinion, directly, I wish to restate to you what you have just written to me. You are unhappy, resentful, and feel trapped, while also believing that “Henry” is wanting to control and manipulate you into being his personal fantasy wife.
I hope that you read what I did, and understand that, at the least, you need to both be in marriage therapy, at most you need to be in a relationship with you and your children, moving forward as an entire, whole human being, as opposed to someone’s shadow figure of a fantasy.
I wish you the best as you make your decision, but I believe you have got this, you appear to be intelligent and know what direction you want. Just know you never get to a destination if you never move forward.
Best of luck,
Dear Violet is a relationship advice column, covering both domestic relationships and familial relationships, as well as friendships. If you have something you want to get advice about, write in and get a third party, no ax to grind perspective. Welcome to Violet’s world. Send questions, comments or concerns attention: Ask Violet c/o Gonzales Inquirer at email@example.com.